6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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