I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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