Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
