i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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