My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
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drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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