Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
