I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
