True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my shit smells like andre
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
