Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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