I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
