i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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