so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
