you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
