I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
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Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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