we're chasing vodka with high fives
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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