so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
