You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
