from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I supernannyed him into submission
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
