Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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