Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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