Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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