Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
