I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
high people should be assigned attendants
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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