you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
