You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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