Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
