No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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