please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I need moral support for this bender
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
