There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He felt like a one man threesome
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
