Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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