Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
