And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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