Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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