i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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