So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i need some magic done to my vagina
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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