Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
