I'm going to jail i love you
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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