did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
