FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
