Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
