My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have tasted many bathrooms
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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