I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
