you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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