I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
