Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
