I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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