A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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