dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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