yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
