i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize