There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
