You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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