Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
