Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
