I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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