I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
