I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
