She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
