shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
