How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
