I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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