we made out on top of his cat.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize