Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
