I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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